porkyspen

It really is a sad time when you have to pay posthumous tribute to a drunk fucking asshole…… but, apparently, this is that sad time….. fucking hooray!!!!!

I mean, look at Scotty… he is obviously front-loading his Federation onesie with 20th Century Jizz….. When the report comes in that “Cargo Bay One is Full”, well the crew on the bridge will have a good chuckle between themselves…. as all of the cracks and crevices between the wall of the bridge suddenly stream out high-pressure cum from many alien lifeforms….. from thick, white jizz, to bright green, misty dewy cum!

God Bless you, Scotty, and all of the alien DNA you have stored in your body over the last 800 years……. Well done, you pervert… Well Done!!!!!

With the news that New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has been arrested for planning and executing a brutal murder, Pats head coach Bill Belichick has been leading the charge of public condemnation of his former star player.

“I just don’t agree with the call”, said Belichick, apparently referring to the overall direction of the chilling execution. “For one, Aaron brought in a couple of untested free agents from , where, Connecticut? Who the hell’s ever done anything from that state? I never even heard of those guys… and then, the play calling, well, that was just shit.”

The future Hall-of-Fame coach continued. ” I can’t remember a single time Aaron broke my rules, or questioned my rules, or in any way gave any indication that he had any sort of problem with my rules.”

“And yet he used a revolver to kill his victim when I’ve repeatedly stressed the need to use a semi-automatic.”  The 6-time Super Bowl Champion coach could only just shake his head. “Why he didn’t follow my rules is just a mystery to me.”

*Note: this was written in 2014…. HEH!!!*

Right? What the fuck, maybe back in the fucking Fifties were would believe that a single source of data would be morally impervious to any shenanigans when it came down to the facts… facts, in fact, that are worth hundreds of millions of advertising dollars… But this is the fucking, er…. 20 teens? shit, what the fuck do we call this decade, anyway????? Regardless, the bottom line here is that the Nielsen Ratings are the biggest pile of fake fucking bullshit, and has been for years…

Just ask yourself, they can wirelessly track EVERYTHING….. every cable and satellite provider can track EXACTLY what you watch and what you surf every second of every day….and yet the ancient, gay-ass fucking “Nielsen Family Model” is still being used???

Why?

Hillary just saying what she thinks of the US Constitution…….

Ahhh, well, that’s easy. Because we’ve all heard of it, and we all have heard how the specific families remain “incognito” as to “preserve the integrity of the data”..blah blah blah…..

Yeah, OK, 30 years ago……. but not now. Now there’s just a bunch of cocksucking, boy-fucking assholes who simply pick the ratings winners and losers based on what the cum-lickers controlling Obama want you to think is popular.

Please think about just how easy this is…they control what is still regarded as the impartial gatherers of popular data; therefore, they control what is popular…. and thereby control what is perceived as the norm.

Looking through the list of un-published posts I found this one, from about 2 years ago…

IRAQ 6/14/2014-

Barack Obama, the worlds biggest piece of shit, arranged the murder of thousands of innocent Shiite Muslims yesterday. He did so easily, as the life of other human beings means absolutely nothing to him, courtesy of his training by high-ranking Islamic Mullah Valarie Jarrett.  His unilateral withdrawal of our troops in Iraq in 2011 was a purposeful step to achieve today’s slaughter, and he laughed and laughed as the reports of the carnage came in. Sources in the White House report Obama and Jarrett were so jubilant about the killings that they “started fingering each other’s pussies”…

Obama and Jarrett and Reid and Pelosi and Schumer and Hillary and Warren are fucking Traitors… pieces of shit who are actively working to subvert and undermine the very fabric of this nation. They are vermin, they are filth; they should be treated accordingly.

Michelle Obama hates Barack, and he feels the same way. They are both gay, so the dynamic of appearing “in love” has taken it’s toll…

Oh FUCK, do I love White guys!

And I LOVE me some White pussy!!

Reports of both of these assholes hiring and murdering same-sex prostitutes have been making the rounds for years…. Barack preferring to have his boyfriend, Reggie Love, strangle the unfortunates, while Michelle prefers to stab her victims herself- many, many times.

I really got this “Paint” program down!

It’s 2015 now…. we are almost rid of these vile pieces of shit, and we can only hope they all get together soon after they shamble out of our White House; maybe to celebrate how much damage they’ve done to the country, maybe just to masturbate each other one last time. Either way, let’s wish -really, really hard- that when that day happens, they all die in a fucking fire.

Fuck them.

This just occurred to me. When my employer health insurance goes away next year, I’m not joining Obamacare. I’m just not not going to to it. I also am not going to pay whatever fucktard “penalty” I may get on my taxes; I’m going to ignore it. It’s that simple. Are they going to actually charge me with a crime? Try me? Imprison me? They can fucking blow me.

Take your creepy-ass bullshit smile and go fuck yourself.

Bottom line, if they try to force us into Obamacare next year, they better prepare for a whole lot of idiots just like me who don’t give a greasy squirt of piss about their “”exchanges” and their “penalties” and their bullshit fucking “law”.

FUCKING SUCK IT, ASSHOLE.

As a former Wyoming State wrestling Champion, Gillette native Portnoy has been living a life we here on the ranch have only dreamed of. With running water, a car that don’t just sit on the front lawn, and no crazed flocks of killer crows to deal with, Portnoy is living high on the hog! Or, at least, he was…..

You don’t even look at me when I’m Power-Topping you.. we’ve grown apart, haven’t we?

On June 26, 2013, Port awoke to find himself suffering from severe back pain, or, as many experts often  refer to it, a “weak-ass alibi”.  As he screamed in a fashion his wife described as “like a little girl”, Portnoy supposedly fell on the floor, went to the Emergency Room, took several drugs while there, and then returned to his home… a home neighbor’s describe as “a breeding ground of dandelions and violent sex-murders”. We attempted to contact Portnoy  for his response to these and any other likely allegations, but were told he was “sleeping” and therefore “would not come to the phone”. We regret he could not be part of this story, other than the graphic description of the hideous and depraved violent sex acts he committed.

Fred Luvscok, local wino, claims he was with Portnoy the night in question, “as lovers do”

Many wonder, just how did the police focus on Portnoy as the perpetrator of this heinous and brutal crime? It seems the previous night in question there was a mass disappearance of approximately 30 local hobos…. all members of a sex-based Hobo Church on the outskirts of Cologne, MN.  And that just so happens to be where Portnoy has stayed for the past few years… coincidence? Not likely.

Local bloggers immediately questioned the timing of Port’s “injury” as it related to the assumed massive gang–rape and murder of thirty dirty hobos. Lynn Shitz, a Minneapolis-based lesbian blogger, wondered exactly what Portnoy was hiding. “I find it highly suspicious that this “man” would report a back injury just one day after 30 heavy, well-hung hobos were carted off for what I assume would be a night of fucking, sucking, and, according to my sources, ritualized sex-murder”

TMZ intern Steve Bakdor exclaimed, “He fucked them all, then killed them all!” The former TMZ intern continued, “He probably fist-fucked them until I -I mean he, came in his pants!”

Where officials expect to find the bones of dozens of partially eaten, sexually assaulted hobos…

Officials say it’s only a matter of time before they start finding long-buried skulls and femurs in Portnoy’s front yard. In fact, said one official, that may explain why the suspect has “such a shitty lawn, especially when he knows he has family coming to visit.”

We’ll keep you updated on this tragic waste of hobo life, and more importantly, the wasted landscaping of a serial hobo-raping murderer.

It’s been a long time coming, according to some; and About-Damned-Time to the rest… so it’s now unanimous… our current President is the biggest piece of shit ever to be elected to the office…. He is, and always has been, a fucking idiot…..

If you could just move the teleprompter up…about ten feet on the right, and six on the left…I can get through this Middle School commencement speech… duuuuuh…eggs!

Oh, but he was sold to us as such a cool guy, right? Yeah, man, he was fucking hip and cool and shit, man, he was like one of us!

Wow, what the hell were we thinking? What a fucking loser!

Has this ever happened to you?

There you are, just enjoying your day, playing CoD and lurking on Facebook when suddenly…. you feel a pressure in your abdomen. A bloated feeling…   you start thinking about that one tire on your car that seems to be losing air, as a series of farts begin to slide out of your asshole like oily pillows…… You wonder, what is this? I just ate 30 mini-tacos, my tummy should be nothing but happy! But then, suddenly, you find yourself perched  on the toilet.

Plus you ate all of these, you fucking pig.

Shitting your fucking brains out. You can actually smell the tacos just as they were before you stuffed them in your maw; but now there’s an underlying rancid quality to the odor….like death… death between your cheeks.

So, as is usually the case, you push out the offending fecal matter (knowing you, you push so hard blood starts flowing, but we’ll save that for another time). The shit river has ebbed, and it’s time to clean up. What do you do?

You may want to consider flossing….

Naturally, you reach for the toilet paper, and begin the process of plowing the shit on your asshole up and down until it’s thin enough to dry out, thus making you believe your bunghole is clean and you are ready to step out and face the public.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Not bad…. depends on the paper quality.

Your asshole is dry, yes, but it still fucking reeks like an open septic tank. Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself why the neighborhood dogs race toward your sphincter every time you leave the house. Yeah, that’s what I thought, you pig.

Here’s the answer: wipe your grimy, fly-blown ass with a moist paper towel after every dump you unload. “Oh, that’s crazy, Porky!” you say… “”That’s just nuts, and besides, dry-wiping is just fine with me!”

I don’t think so, you fucking turdpump, and more importantly, neither do the people that are forced to be in close proximity to you every day. You fucking dirtbag.

It’s not that easy to clean shit off your face… but you all know that already……

So here’s my advice, free to you because I will be doing the entire world a favor here… wet-wipe your stinking, fetid balloon-knot after every rancid shit you take. It’s easy… after you wipe with toilet paper,  just lightly wet one half of a paper towel and scrub around your asshole, then sink a finger in and really get that shit cleaned up. Pump it in and out if you want to, hey, who’s watching?  Afterwards, when you are no longer hard as a rock, use the dry part of the paper towel to dab your knot dry. Feel free to punch your bag as hard as you can in celebration of this new-found knowledge.

There, was that so fucking hard?

Fucking pig.

I’m not sure why I even felt the need to title this post so stridently…. it certainly is not the ghey to watch this… in fact, I find myself enjoying it, so go suck another cock, you fucking fist-fucking faggots!!!!